Found…

Conversations.

————————————————-

Knock, knock.

I opened the door.

Can I enter your life?

I let them in.

Give me your hand.

So I gave it.

Let me enter your memories.

So I let you in.

What’s wrong?

I want you out.

You want me gone?

Yes.

…They are gone.

———————————–

You want them back?

Yes.

But you asked them to leave?

I know, but they aren’t gone.

What do you mean?

They are the poison in my memories.

You can not erase memories, nor can you expect things to be the same.

———————————–

It was a lie.

Yes it was.

But there was truth there wasnt there?

Yes, there was.

I wish I could understand.

You do understand.

———————————–

They make no sense to me.

Should they make sense?

Yes…no…I dont know.

Everything will be alright. Somethings aren’t meant to be understood.

———————————–

So what happen?

We said what needed to be said.

Are you okay?

I feel like I said goodbye to the poison, but when it was gone I felt like it was the antidote.

It’ll feel like that.

I know. It always does.

———————————–

How long does it take?

How long does what take?

For this feeling to stop.

What are you feeling?

Confusion.

Give it a few days.

———————————–

How have you been?

Good, alot better, great.

Good to hear.

Still confused?

I always will be.

Ha. Somethings never will change.

Guess not.

———————————–

- Bilal Mian

The Return

Guess whose back… back again… Billy’s back… tell a friend…

What do I have in store for whoever reads this… well to be truthful I have no idea.

I looked back at my last entry in February and realized it was only four months ago. Four months and sooo much has changed. The month truly ended a part of my life and opened a door to where I am now. I have grown as a person and slowly am learning more about myself.

I have a new group of friends that I truly love. Each of them are amazing in their own right.

I also turned 21! Whoot!

Let me do a short story for you all.

———————————————————————–

The Return

“Where were you,” she asked as she opened the door to the car. “You’re late.”

She climbed in.

“I know.”

“That’s it? I know? You are an hour late and that’s all I get from you. I don’t know what it is, but you haven’t been yourself lately.”

She turned away from me and looked out the window.

“I’m sorry. I got caught up taking care of something.”

Her voice was low when she replied, “It’s okay. You should have called at least. ” She looked back towards me, “Where are we going?”

I smiled, “Back to the beginning.”

She looked at me dazed.

“Don’t worry. You’ll understand when we get there.”

After some time driving we arrived to the spot where everything began. I looked towards her, “Do you remember this spot?”

She smiled as she grabbed my hand and started walking to the lake. A group of ducks were swimming off in the distant.

“This is where we first met,” she said as she smiled. “You were such a dork back then.”

“HEY!”

“Still are,” she responded with a wink.

We both laughed as we continued our walk hand in hand.

“I remember I was jogging around the lake and you were here with a bunch of your friends,” she continued. “You started to run with me and I figured this dork wouldn’t be able to keep up. Boy was I wrong.”

I smiled. “Not my fault you underestimated me. That run was definitely alot of fun.”

“It was, till it started to pour and we decided to wait it out under the cliff’s overhang. We talked for hours not even caring that it would have been faster just to go to the cars.”

“You can’t say that it wasn’t fun,” I responded. “You couldn’t deny that there was something between me and you. “

She laughed. We continued walking and it began to rain.

“Come on,” I said looking back towards her, “I know just the spot.”

I held my hand back towards her and she grabbed hold as we both started running to the same spot.

We were drenched and out of breath when we got to the spot. I looked at her as she sat gasping for breath.

“I love you.”

She looked up at me. Slowly she rose off the ground, as water dripped from her hair slowly splashing the ground. She walked towards and threw her arms around me. Lightening struck off in the distance. Her head lay across my chest as she whispered, “I love you.”

Thunder followed. I snapped back to the present. Dark clouds were rolling across the sky and the rain was slowly falling. A bouqet of flowers were in my hands. A hand clasped my shoulder.

I turned around to see her brother looking at me with worried eyes. “The weather’s getting bad. We should get going.”

“Give me a few more minutes. I’ll meet you at the car.”

He nodded and walked away. I looked back at the grave in front of me. The rain fell heavier now.

I thought back to the day where we returned to the lake. The day I told her I loved her, the day I lost her…

I placed the flowers on top of the headstone.

“I love you.”

The Chase

Whether it be for glory, victory, love, or self the chase can be the greatest feeling one experiences.

I hate the chase.

Some might think I lost what I was chasing. However, that is not the case. I caught up. I realized it was not what I hoped it to be.

To be honest instead of feeling crushed by realization I feel alive. Too long has it been where I sat content.

We all deserve to be happy. We all deserve to feel pain.

We all deserve to be human.

We do not deserve to be judged.

- Bilal Mian

Wintry Night

The dancing wind on the wintry night always brought about the whispers in the young boy’s heart. Was it the scowling wind or the biting cold that brought the pain? Was it the endless stars and the bright moon that brought upon his hopes and dreams? Or was it the company around him that brought the laughter, the smile, and the warmth to his face?

The music playing in his ears and mind painted the video he once sought to create. His imagination was ablaze, creativity flowing from his very being. Voices, places, sounds emerging from the boy.

The striking of the piano keys, strumming of the guitar, fluttering of the flutes and the voice of the choir brought color to the boy’s world. Voluminous colors of different shades colored his world. Each desire a different shade of blue, every love a different shade of red, every nightmare a darker shade of gray.

Songs continued to play and doors appeared across the world the boy created. Numerous were the gateways the boy could open and peculiar was the way each door opened. The boy sat flabbergasted for a long time with no way to open any door. He walked and wondered living by himself in a world where only he existed.

The piano keys kept on striking, the guitars kept strumming, and the flutes never stopped fluttering. The boy walked and walked, trying door after door. He finally sat and put his back to the door. Closing his eyes and listening to the music, the boy sang.

His back slipped as the door opened and the  first person entered his world. The boy laid on his back looking at the new comer to his world with a quizzical look on his face.

“Where were you?” the boy asked.

“I was always here. You just never called for me,” the visitor responded.

“How long are you staying?”

“How long do you tend to keep me in your world?” the visitor asked.

“As long as you wish to stay,” the boy smiled.

The boy and the visitor walked for some time causing the visitor to be known as a friend. Both the boy and his friend continued to walk to doors, singing songs together, inviting more people into the boy’s world.

Before the boy knew it he was amongst a group, but with time the boy’s memory started to forget notes to certain songs. Some friends soon became visitors and eventually the visitors returned to their gateways when the boy forgot the songs of the old. New songs were sung and new visitors and friends were brought to the boy’s world.

Whispers of the wind snapped the boy out of his memory. He looked around and noticed he was a part of another’s world. Everyone was a part of another’s world. Each melody unique to the creator, every instrument tuned to their creativity.

The boy smiled. It took him awhile to realize it, but he eventually did. Not every door held an answer to where he was going, but it held the experience, a piece of the melody. For on that cold wintry night the boy realized to  reach the door of dreams, the pieces of the melody needed to open the door would come from his experiences and not from his desires.

- Bilal Mian

Beginning of the Novel.

Chad Dawkins

Private Investigator

Chapter 1

Life

Alarms don’t make sense. No one ever wants them to go off, especially this morning. It’s a Monday morning. I slapped the snooze button and pulled the blanket over my head. The world can live without me for five more minutes.

What was I dreaming about? God, I hate alarms. Once your awake your dreams just fade. It’s almost upsetting. I might as well get up. Screw it, I have about three more minutes. What’s the use? I’m already awake. The warmth of the bed was enough to keep me in bed. My eyes slowly got heavy….

RAAAA RAAAAAAAA RAAAAAAA

I smacked the alarm and threw the blankets off of me. The morning chill greeted my body sending a shiver throughout my bones. Swinging my feet off the side of the bed, I sat for a moment looking at the apartment. My badge and ID displaying my name, Chad Dawkins, sat on top of the nightstand. Through the doorway I saw the beige trench coat lay sprawled across the sofa. Piles of dishes lay waiting to be cleaned in the kitchen sink, while a box of pizza with a few slices left could be seen on the kitchen table.

RAAAA RAAAAAAAA RAAAAAAA

WHAT THE HELL? Guess I had hit snooze again. This is just not my morning. After turning the alarm off for sure this time, I got up and headed to shower. A nice hot shower is what I needed. As the steam and warmth of the water wrapped itself around me, I began to relax and concentrate on what was on my mind. There really weren’t many cases as of late in the office. A few missing people reports and pick up and delivering items between broken couples. Low paying jobs, nothing special. Nothing like my father was known for. The water began to get cold so I turned off the water and headed out.

I returned to my room and opened my drawer. Only one clean pair of clothes left. Gotta put laundry on my to do list for tonight. After changing and grabbing my badge and ID I moved towards the sofa to pick up my coat. My father’s coat. The only possession of his I have left. Picking it up, I put it on and looked at the picture that sat on the shelf. It was a picture of my father and me. I took it off the shelf and held it for a second. He was wearing the coat in it.

James Dawkins never brought it with him the night he died. He had been working on a case involving the gangs of the Mantis. Dad received a call and quickly ran out the door without a word to mom or me. It wasn’t till I turned on the TV later that night when I learned what had happened. The Mantis police department had received a tip from an anonymous source about a meeting between all the cities gangs. Before the plan was set by the SWAT team, a patrol from one of the gangs had spotted the police and alerted the rest. A shootout was inevitable. Bullets flew everywhere. One struck an oil canister setting the place ablaze. The explosion alone killed many, my father included. My father died and yet the gangs still exist. So much for justice.

I put the picture back on the shelf and walked out the door. This started just as any other day in my life.

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Rabia and The Red Jellybean

For those wondering about this story here is a little back story. For my cousin Rabia’s birthday her sister and friends decided to compile a book filled with pages about our moments with her, funny things about her, and other things. So being me instead of doing the normal thing and following suit, I decided to write a story about her cousins and her. My goal was capture the character and interactions of each cousin. I hope I fulfilled that goal with this story and after the gift was given to her I was happy to hear that I indeed captured the characters perfectly. So for those that never got a chance to read it her is the story. Now without further delay I give you, “Rabia and the Red Jellybean: Director’s Cut”

Chapter 1

The Red Jellybean

It all seemed normal to Rabia Ahmed as she continued to work the same repetitive schedule every day of the year.  What she did not know was that this was not a normal day, but a day that she would remember forever.

As Rabia sat there listening to another interviewee rambling on about how they were the ideal candidate for the university, she couldn’t help but reach for the jar of jellybeans sitting on top of her desk. She managed to grab two jellybeans before the phone started to ring.

“Hello Rabia speaking.”

“Eat the blue jellybean if you want to continue listening to the person in front of you. Eat the red jellybean if you want to see how far the rabbit hole goes,” responded the mysterious voice.

“What is this, The Matrix? Let me guess you must be Morpheus or Neo or some crack addict moving around in slow-mo,” Rabia replied with a laugh as she hung up the phone.

Looking down into her hand Rabia found a red and blue jellybean and started wondering about the conversation that just took place on the phone. She then looked at the interviewee who was still rambling on and on about their life. Quickly Rabia popped the red jellybean into her mouth.

“Great that did noth….” Rabia said as fell from her chair unconscious.

Chapter 2

Rabia in Wonderland

Rabia slowly got up and looked around to find herself in a gloomy looking forest. “Where the hell am I and why the hell am I wearing a blue dress with a white apron?” Rabia slowly started to make her way down the beaten path when she started hearing voices coming from amongst the trees. “What on earth was in that jellybean?”

After some time walking down the path a small boy in a rabbit suit crawled on passed her as if he were in a hurry. Rabia pondered for a second as if she had known the little boy. “YUSUF!” Rabia quickly tried to run after her young nephew, who happened to be dressed as a white rabbit. However, no matter how fast Rabia ran, Yusuf just seemed to crawl away faster and faster eventually causing Rabia to lose her nephew. Rabia let out a sigh, “this is just like real life.”

“Lost your nephew I see,” a voice responded from somewhere within the forest.

Rabia looked around for the source of the voice eventually finding her cousin Bilal sitting in a tree.

“Bilal, what are you doing up in a tree? Help me find Yusuf, before he gets lost in this forest. He is your nephew too you know.”

“I am not Bilal, I am a Cheshire Cat.”

Rabia looked at Bilal dumbfounded, like she usually seemed to do for he never made any sense. “Bilal, where on earth did Yusuf go?”

“Meow”

Rabia started to get aggravated. “How do I get out of here?”

“Where are you trying to go?”

“Anywhere, but here.”

“Then it really doesn’t matter which way you go! Oh, by the way, if you’d really like to know, he went that way.”

“Who did,” Rabia asked.

“The white rabbit.”

“Yusuf did?”

“He did what?”

“Went that way?”

“Who did?”

“Yusuf”

“Yusuf?”

“But didn’t you just say… I mean… BILAL!”

“Can you stand on your head?”

Rabia looks over at Bilal who is literally standing on top of his head.

“However, if I were looking for a white rabbit, I’d ask Cinderella,” Bilal responds.

“Cinderella? Who the hell is she?”

“Oh, there’s the white rabbit. In that direction.”

“Finally some help around here.” Rabia makes her way towards Yusuf.

“Of course, Cinderella’s mad too.”

“But I don’t want to go amongst mad people!”

“Oh, you can’t help that. Almost everyone is mad here. Ha… ha ha ha ha ha! You may have noticed that I’m not all there myself….”

Rabia looked at where Bilal was sitting in the tree only to find that he had disappeared. After contemplating on what to do next, Rabia decided to follow the last directions given to her by her odd cousin, since it was the only option she seemed to have.

Chapter 3

Snow White and the Evil Stepsister

Rabia soon emerged from the forest where she came across a cozy looking house. She approached the door and knocked. Screaming came from the inside. Rabia heard the voice and her mood dropped. For the voice belonged to no one other then her cousin Aisha.

“AZAM GET THE DOOR NOW,” Aisha screamed from the inside.

Azam quickly scrambled to open the door.

Rabia looked at a dirty Azam and asked, “Cinderella?”

“Yes, and who might you be?”

“I’m your cousin Rabia you fool.”

Azam looked at her confused with tears in his eyes. “Why        must you bother me? I need to clean the house before nightfall so I can go to the ball tonight,” he cried.

As Rabia pondered for a second why Azam was Cinderella, Aisha came bumbling down the stairs.

“AZAM WHO WAS AT THE DOOR? WHO IS THIS SKANK YOU BE TALKING TO? HUH HUH?” Aisha smacked Azam on top of his head.

“You must be the Evil Stepsister right,” Rabia asked.

“YES, YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT.”

Azam quietly responded, “Don’t make her angry.”

Aisha smacked him. “SPEAK ONLY WHEN SPOKEN TOO.”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” Azam whimpered as he quickly left to clean the house.

“NOW WHAT DO YOU WANT,” the Evil Stepsister asked.

Rabia’s ears started to hurt a bit. “I’m looking for the white rabbit. You know, your nephew Yusuf.”

“LAST I HEARD HE WAS WITH SNOW WHITE AND THE TWO DWARVES.”

“Wait aren’t there supposed to be seven dwarves?”

“YO JUST BECAUSE WE ARE DESI DOESN’T MEAN ALL THE PARENTS BE POPPIN EM OUT. GOSH!”

Rabia shook her head. “So where can I find this Snow White and the Two Dwarves.”

“JUST FOLLOW THE ROAD. I MEAN REALLY, HOW HARD IS IT?”

Rabia briskly walked away from the house making her way down the road. Her head was slightly pounding from the encounter with the Evil Stepsister. After some time she found the cottage she was looking for. As she approached the cottage she found two familiar faces leaning against the outside of the house.

“ZAIM! RAIS! Finally normal cousins,” Rabia said to herself. “Hey guys what’s up?” Rabia asked.

“Woah woah woah! Hey Dopey did she just talk to us?” Zaim replied looking at Rais.

“I think she did Doc. This little lady might need to be fixed. You a doctor right Doc?”

“Well I’ve used an pick axe to find all this bling,” Zaim showed off the jewels he wore, which he had found mining. “A scalpel can’t be that much harder to use.”

“Woah woah woah. No one is cutting me open. I am perfectly fine.” Rabia said.

“Fine then. Doc, how about we make her an honorary dwarf,” said Rais.

“Dopey that’s a great idea. Hmm, from this moment forth you will be known as Sneezy,” Zaim replied.

“I don’t want to be Sneezy. GOD!”

“Too bad Sneezy. Names can’t change,” both of them chimed in together.

“Agh,” Rabia responded, aggravated yet again. “I need an Advil or something.”

“Snow White’s got some,” responded Rais.

“SNOW WHITE,” Zaim yelled.

Zanab emerged from within the cottage with a bottle of Advil.

“Zanab is Snow White? What is going on?” Rabia responded.

“You might be on drugs. You should share!” responded the dwarves.

Zanab started singing causing animals to appear everywhere. A bear grabbed Rabia as birds opened her mouth and dropped Advil in.

“ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME? I HATE ANIMALS. AHHHHHHH!” Scared for her life, Rabia ran off into the forest.

Chapter 4

The Way Home

Rabia sat crying in the forest confused and alone when the Cheshire Cat appeared again.

“What do you want? Didn’t you make me miserable enough,” Rabia sadly replied.

“You know you love me. Besides look at the tree over there,” Bilal responded.

Rabia followed the path of Bilal’s finger to find a sleeping white rabbit at the base of the tree. She quickly ran over to Yusuf and picked him up. “Finally, I got you. Now how do I get out of this dream?” Rabia looked back towards the Cheshire Cat.

“You’ve always had it in you to go back home. All you must do is click your ruby slippers three times and say there is no place like home with every click.”

“Talk about clichéd as hell,” Rabia responded. She looked back at Bilal only to see a white smile hanging in the air.

“And you didn’t even figure that out.” The smile vanished.

Rabia stood there contemplating all that just happened. She looked down at her feet and noticed how awesome the pair of ruby slippers she was wearing. “I wonder if I can find a pair at Steve Madden.” Yusuf quietly cooed in her arms reminding her that she needed to get home. Rabia started to click her heels,”there’s no place like home, there’s no place like home, there’s no place like home.” Suddenly Rabia was covered in water and the world around her was spinning. She hit the ground and knew no more.

Chapter 5

Epilogue

Rabia’s eyes shot open. She saw Yusuf hovering above her. No, not again she thought to herself. Then she noticed the drool coming from Yusuf. It slowly hit her on the head. She moved to grab him, but the IV in her arm shot a jolt of pain through her body. Rabia realized she was lying on top of a hospital bed. “Where am I?”

“Oh good your finally awake. You bumped your head pretty bad at work. The interviewee called for an ambulance after you didn’t get up. You’ve been out for quiet a while,” responded Aamna, another one of her cousins. “I’ll bring everyone in to see you.” Aamna left the room to retrieve the rest of the family.

As everyone came into the room Rabia realized they were the cousins from her dream.

“Horray you are finally up,” Bilal said. “We figured you sneezed too hard and the whiplash caused you to fall over and knock your head against the desk.”

“Haha we should call her Sneezy,” Rais said.

Rabia sat there feeling as if this were all déjà vu. “I had the weirdest dream ever. You all were in it. Bilal was the Cheshire Cat, Yusuf was the white rabbit, Azam was Cinderalla.”

Everyone laughed. “Why am I Cinderalla,” Azam asked.

“Because you are such a girl,” Zaim replied. Laughter filled the room again.

“WHAT ABOUT THE REST OF US,” asked Aisha.

Rabia sighed knowing that volume of her voice was to be expected. “Aisha was the Evil Stepsister, Zaim and Rais were Doc and Dobey the dwarves, and Zanab was Snow White.”

Everyone talked and joked around for awhile about who they were and the possible drugs Rabia could be taking. As Rabia relaxed in the hospital bed she couldn’t help but wonder what the Cheshire Cat had said to her.

“Oh, you can’t help that. Almost everyone is mad here.”

Rabia realized as silly and crazy as her cousins were, no matter how much they annoyed her, or the fun times they had together, that they were all mad in their own ways and she loved them regardless for it.

Someone asked a question, but no one heard it. The room silenced.

“What about me,” asked Rameez.

“You weren’t in it,” Rabia responded.

Everyone laughed and laughed as Rameez went to a corner and ate a quesadilla.

THE END

Horror Movies

After watching The Orphanage and The Shining, I have lost utter faith in horror movies. These are considered to be scary movies. They only made me go WTF in plain stupidity.

I have decided to write a horror script. True horror. Not this fake mumbo jumbo wannabe hollywood crap.

~ Bilal

A picture speaks a 1000 words

...hmmm somethings different.

Here’s a bit of a filler….

I’m one that loves satirical/funny music. Yesterday Eric sent me a link on youtube to Bo Burnham. I’ll put up two videos for your entertainment. Just don’t take it the wrong way

If you enjoy these, I recommend watching I’m bo yo. Watching a white man rap is one of the few great treasures of life.

 

Later 

-Bilal